myself ...

a 50 steps laughing at a 100 steps(direct translte from chinese) is wat i know myself to me .. in my eyes i only see mistakes done and not wat people done correctly .... unless its really impressive ... lol .....
i assume .. i'm the attention seeker type .. maybe quite a handful of people will hate me lol ... but both to be one ... i irritated maybe .. alot ... and grew this mouth to become so stinky ... its a habit i can say ... so hard to change now ....
it is said that once .. done often ...becomes a habit ... and it becomes natural ...well i guess ...
when the seed of lazyness is planted.. its grew fast ... overwhelmingly ... i lose myself ... excuses is wat i left and best at .... excuses .. to cover my lazyness ... to cover my mistakes my task to do ... everything ...
i feel so fake every now and then ...but y ? i dun know ...wat i do ... wat i think .. i'm starting to not know ... so....back to square one , .. who am i ?
everytime things are plan ..but ..to do ? haiz ... thoughts and actions are always heaven and earth to me ........
how i wish .. i can be like those animation character .. live life to the fullest and die without regret .. died for a reason ...... live their life ... with dare ...
dare to love ,dare to hate(direct translation from chinses) ...
things that i need to do .. i DRAG .... even over the deadline? over due ? forever ? i left so many things in my life undone ... i dun know even where to start with ... nor will i wan to to start with ....
sometimes i envy animal,insect ... they are bone .. they grow .. and understand their belonging.. their task ... and filful them ... and die off ... easy life ...no worries ? so ncie ...
y is life so hard to understand ? y must it be life? y .. y... so many why ..
i lost myself to myself ... so .. who am i ?
regrets is all i rmb in my life .. so many .. so many .. untill i dun rmb wat,when,why ,where,who,how...
can i make a better person ? unknown...
wats future for me? unknown...
wat is life given to me ? unknown...
y am i ...me..? unknown...
i'm lost into my own little maze...
to come out or not ? depends on myself ...
a jail with unlocked gates... to come out or not ? depends on me ...
haiz.....
hence ... Smile is all i need to rmb ... happy is all i wan ....
love ..? maybe later ... friends and family are currently my life ....

haiz planned to help me mum(real) to work on her paper works(she requested) but i plan to do it this week .. but given so many excuses i created myself .. i drag and push .. it ...now ... i wan to finish it one... shot ... hence.. i'm gonna tonn today to do it ... well ... i dunno wehter this time can keep my words or not ? my plan ? paperworks... and morning jogs after that and .....SLP ....*hopefully*